Maintenance Human Protocol
The instruction manual no one gave us at birth—and that no one asked for either. The ultimate diagram that gathers in detail all the necessary processes for human maintenance.
I have this weird gift for turning any process into a technically dubious schematic, as if it were made by a maintenance worker who's been pulling three back-to-back shifts without sleep.
So, you know the drill. If you want your own custom protocol on how to survive a family dinner, how to assemble Swedish furniture without crying, the algorithm for making the perfect spaghetti, or whatever comes to mind—hit me up for your custom crappy schematic in the Custom Glitch section.
Size & Fit
- 5x7" (~13x18cm). Perfect for your desk. Costs about as much as a cheap lunch special.
- 11x14" (~28x35cm). Not so small you need a magnifying glass, not so big it covers up the damp stains on your wall. Ideal for that friend who says they're "fine" while their eye twitches.
- 12x18" (~30x45cm). Because apparently A3 standard doesn't exist on this site.
- 20x30" (~50x75cm). So your guests know you're not quite right in the head.
More details
Official description:
- Paper thickness: 0.26mm
- Paper weight: 189 g/m²
- Opacity: 94%
- ISO brightness: 104%
Unofficial description:
- Paper: Museum quality (so your cynicism lasts for decades).
- Finish: Matte (like your gaze on a Tuesday morning).
- Display: Ships unframed. Compatible with cheap IKEA frames or sticky tape—keeping with the proposed aesthetic.
- Shipping: Arrives in a cardboard tube as sturdy as your will to procrastinate.
- Origin: Designed by me in a tiny town near Barcelona (Spain), processed by this platform's AI, and shipped to your local reality.
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Erveth
- Email: erveth-shop@support.fourthwall.com
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the small parts and magnetic flux index level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.